11/07/2016

6 Tanning Fails Every British Girl Has Experienced

Original image from Pinterest
Whilst sat out in the garden on an unusually warm afternoon, trying desperately to build up any excuse for a base tan before I jet off to Italy next month, it occurred to me that getting any sort of natural tan in England is bloody hard. It got me thinking about all the crappy things that can happen when attempting to do so... So here are 6 that made me chuckle. 

1. The 'why do my thighs tan but my calves don't?' 
EVERY. SINGLE. SUMMER. Someone please explain to me why this happens, because two toned legs are the bane of my life. I look like a Kinder Bueno chocolate bar when I'm this half-white half-brown.

2. The 'which do I risk? Potentially blinding myself or the dreaded sunglasses tan?'
Yes, we've all been there, and obviously it's waaaay better to protect your eyes and just deal with the sunglasses tan. Over the years I've become encouraged to experiment with my sunglasses tan lines, like 'which do I go for today, the 'aviator' tan line or the 'full on bug eye/panda' tan line? THE CHOICE IS IN MY HANDS.'

3. The 'oh god I have streaks in my sun tan lotion.'
Aaaaand unfortunately, 99.9 percent of the time by the time you've realised this, it's far too late. Crack out the fake bake girl, you're gonna need it.

4. The 'which part of my garden do I lay in to avoid the neighbours getting a glimpse of my horrifically pale body?'
Bonus points for any of you that live with a garden that isn't overlooked by any other houses at all! I however, live in a bungalow, which means every single other house is a lot taller, with prime viewing location for our little back garden. Whadd'up Nanny Pat next door, don't mind me just blinding you from your bathroom window with my pale-ness.

5. The 'what do I wear that isn't a bikini that won't give me horrendous tan lines?'
Because we all know that wearing a bikini, in public, in Britain, just feels wrong. Well at least for me it does anyway. But then who wants crap tan lines either?! Don't even get me started on the unanticipated t-shirt tan, give me strength...

6. The 'F@*! THERE'S A WASP'
(or alternatively, bonus #7. The 'S#!* THERE'S A SPIDER')
Self explanatory really. Creepy crawlies give me the fear. Why is it that when I go on holiday there are never ANY wasps in sight, but at home once the weather edges over 18 degrees, they follow me like the plague? Why do they find me attractive? Am I just wasp material? I'll never know.

Maybe I'll just stick to the fake bake after all.


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